最好的離婚信

BEST DIVORCE LETTERS EVER 最好的離婚信
Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
-親愛的妻子，
我寫這封信是告訴你，我要永遠離開你。我7年來一直是一個好丈夫我已沒有什麼可以再表現更好了。這過去 2週的日子過的像地獄。 ... ...你的老闆打電話告訴我，說你今天辭掉工作，這是最後我能忍受的限度。上週，你回家甚至沒有注意到我有一個新髮型，我煮了你最喜歡的晚餐及甚至穿了一雙新品牌的絲綢內褲。你吃了2分鐘，在看完所有電視的肥皂劇就直接上床睡覺。你不告訴我你愛我了，你不跟我親熱或做任何跟丈夫和妻子有關的事。你要么不是欺騙我，就是你根本不愛我了，無論如何，我走了。你的前夫  P.S.不要試圖找我。我跟你的妹妹已準備一起搬去西弗吉尼亞州！祝你前程無盡，生活快樂！
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Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.
- 親愛的前夫,
再也沒有比收到你的信更令我震驚的事。是真的你和我的確已結婚 7年，雖然你跟一個好丈夫還相去甚遠。我看肥皂劇這麼多，是因為他們可以轉移我的情緒，你不斷發牢騷和抱怨已讓我受不了也已沒有用了。當上週你剪了一個新髮型，我有注意到；但浮現在腦海的第一件事是：“你看起來就像一個女孩！” 我母親老對我說，如果你沒有好話講就不要講話，我因此沒表示意見了。當你煮我最喜歡的晚餐，你一定是把我和我妹妹搞錯混淆了，因為我7年前就停止吃豬肉。關於這件新的絲綢內褲：我轉身走掉是因為我看到49.99價碼標籤，我祈禱這只是一個巧合，因早上我妹妹剛剛跟我借$ 50。這一切發生後，我仍然愛你且覺得我們還有機會恢復感情。因此，當我中1千萬美元的樂透，我辭去我的工作買了2張機票準備跟你一起去牙買加旅遊，但我回到家中時，你已離開了 ..我猜一切事情的發生都是有原因的。我希望你有你一直想要的充實美好的日子。我的律師說，從你寫的信可以保證你不會從我這裡得到半毛錢。所以請你自己保重。簽名，你的前妻，富婆且自由身！ P.S.我不知道有沒有跟你提過這個，但我的妹妹卡拉出生時是弟弟卡爾。我希望這不是一個問題。
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